~The Wrong Path~

so I began my fasting with great intentions and ernest but, after a few days I began to struggle...not with just the fasting but internally, my soul felt dry and like I was 'missing' something...so I prayed and asked 'what I was doing wrong, why wasnt I feeling what I thought I was suppose to feel?'...went to church this morning and we had our worship minister preaching, his words hit me like a ton of bricks!!

Isaiah 58:6-9

⁶ "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
       to loose the chains of injustice
       and untie the cords of the yoke,
       to set the oppressed free
       and break every yoke?

 ⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
       and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
       when you see the naked, to clothe him,
       and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

 ⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
       and your healing will quickly appear;
       then your righteousness ^[a] will go before you,
       and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

 ⁹ Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
       you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
       "If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
       with the pointing finger and malicious talk

God spoke to me and basically told me, "its not food you must fast for Me...break your yokes child, break the walls you still hold between you and I...truly seek Me, truly walk towards Me and I will protect you, you wont have to watch your back, I have you...just walk towards Me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoxopsRSfdU

So, I am walking towards Him, breaking the ties that bind my heart and weigh me down from walking forward...I am allowing Him to break me, only He can fix me, only He knows the puzzle and its end result...I am trusting in Him only, seeking Him only...fasting food was difficult, I did honestly struggle but, this fast that I am facing scares me and I see my battle before me, it is not going to be pretty by any means but the reward shall be more than GREAT!!!

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~Resisting~

C is for Christ!! He's good enough for me! Oh the temptations before me are unreal and only could be presented by satan...I've never craved some of the foods I'm even craving! I literally just removed a cookie from my lips, it was in my mouth, I could taste it on my tongue and then asked my son to please eat the cookie for mommy lol. Luckily he didn't resist me and took away mommy's temptation. What a mess!! I had the cookie in my mouth, looked out the window to the sky and let go. 

Feeling stronger now, thank you Jesus for your strength!! I can do this, I CAN do this! But only with His help...learning to seek Him more often throughout the day. So glad He's always there!

~Naivety~

Naivety, isnt it grand? I really had no idea of how bad satan would come at me when I began this journey. I have dieted before but never in the name of God or for God. satan really hates that! hes really mad at me! LOL 

I find it funny right now, in this moment of enlightenment, but ten minutes ago when trying to decide what was for lunch...the birthday cake, the cookies, the lovely homemade spaghetti made last night, all of them staring at me in the fridge...no FAIR! Stupid satan!

I was really naive to think he wouldn't come at me so hard. I'm so grateful that its so easy to turn to God, in one split second I can turn and find the strength, focus, and guidance that I need. I love Him so much for always being there for me, never once has He turned away from me or on me. Never once has He let me down...He's always there...all I have to do is seek Him. 

In my life there's a great fear that I hide from so many, all my life I've been surrounded by so many yet I fear being alone. Maybe it's due to the fact I've always been surrounded by family and friends...I really dont know...I just know I fear. There's also a great difference of being surrounded and being supported. Jesus surrounds me, supports me...He gives me no reason to fear, yet in flesh, I still do.

I'm hoping this time with Him I will draw closer and realize, well keep the realization alive and active in my head/heart that He is here, always...I'm never alone.

So, as I struggle with satan and his evil temptations, Jesus is right here...all I have to do is seek.

~Seekin Clarity and Focus~

Plato said he fasted "for greater physical and mental efficiency,"

I'm setting out on a new journey, a path I've never walked...fasting. Yes, I've dieted, but never have I fasted. My intentions for this fast are for mental clarity and to earn a better focus on the chaos that is currently my life...of course the woman in me would greatly appreciate a few pounds shed as well! Physically I believe in the cleansing of my body...ridding myself of toxins, returning my body to a Holy state for my Lord Jesus Christ. I must admit that I'm excited to begin this journey, yet I'm scared...I'm truly scared of failure. I will be journaling daily here, hoping to maintain my focus and to give myself a place of reflection.

~Strong Enuf~

Lead Me

the above song wont stop running through my head...the lil girl in me longs for this still to this day...the woman in me will demand it next time around...the child of God in me knows this is the way to happiness

im one of those people who is deeply affected by lyrics...this song literally grabs me, shakes me and squeezes my heart...i need this...its not a matter of longing or desire...this is need...true need in order to be happy and live the life i believe God has planned for me

Seek and ye shall find...

^{Hebrews 11:6}

⁶And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

 without faith, i am nothing...what reason is there to breathe? what reason is there to wake in the mornings? faith is what motivates me to push on, push in and dig deeper...faith is what inspires me and fills my soul with warmth and the encouragement to seek more, draw closer to God, be more, do more, be the best for Him!! i realize our faith is shaken some days...and we all ask, why, where, when God...please show us a sign...however, if you are without faith, will you see the sign sent? without faith...what does one see here...

because i know what i see...i see Gods grace among us, Gods presence living and true...this picture is no hoax...taken here locally during a torrential down pour and flooding...near a cemetery...i really dont see how anyone could not have faith or feel their faith grow deeper, stronger, warmer when they see this...truly amazing huh? 

my hope from this post was this...open your hearts and eyes, if you truly seek, believe...look around and see His presence...these last few weeks He has all but reached down and slapped me awake...He is here!!! He is with us!! He listens to us and knows our hearts...He loves US!!!